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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23594947">More</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/druswriting/pseuds/druswriting'>druswriting</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - 100th Episode, Birthday Presents, Bisexual Kara Danvers, Dogs, Drunk kiss, F/F, First Dates, First Fight, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Kara Danvers Has Issues, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Love Confessions, Marriage Proposal, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Oblivious Kara Danvers, Protective Alex Danvers, Protective Kara Danvers, Secret Santa, Self-Discovery, Wives</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:01:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,396</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23594947</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/druswriting/pseuds/druswriting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>But she wants more.<br/>But she wants to spend every moment with Lena, hug her and touch her any opportunity she gets, send her texts with hearts and get sent hearts back, she wants to know about every day in Lena’s life and hear her every thought, and she wants Lena to always be safe and protected by her. She wants all that and more.</p><p>OR </p><p>The married Supercorp 100th episode AU.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Danvers &amp; Kara Danvers, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>190</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>More</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I just couldn't get this AU out of my head. I had to write it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From the moment Kara has met Lena, she has seemed like a force of nature. Hard to impress, always moving, speaking clearly and confidently. But lots of people had told Kara she had a way of reading people, and Kara used that talent with Lena too. She could see that Lena just wanted to do good. That she just wanted a chance. That she just wanted a friend she can trust. </p><p>Kara didn’t know why Lena pulled her in so much, or why Kara wanted more than just a brief conversation with someone who her family was enemies with, or why she was so sure she could be that friend for Lena, or why she was willing to risk so much for that. But she did. She risked her secret identity for the chance to be friends with Lena. Maybe it was because she knew what it was like to want a chance to make a name outside of your family, or what’s like being an outsider because she was foreign to the family’s lifestyle, or thought that others won’t see the same thing she saw in Lena making her lonely. But she was willing to tell Lena she was Supergirl just so they could have a relationship. </p><p>Alex told her what a dumb move that was, of course. </p><p>But she cared less and less, the more she got to know Lena. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Lena trusts slowly but eagerly. At first, Kara makes sure to always come through the doors of Lena’s office, wanting to be polite. Then, Kara goes to Lena straight after a fight, wanting her help, and Lena opens the balcony for her. Kara comes to Lena through the balcony since then (“do you always leave it open?” Kara questions. “Only since you,” Lena smirks. That startles a nervous laugh out of Kara.), when she has a problem with a villain and Lena helps her make a gadget. When Lena needs help with security, she asks Kara to come with her. Sometimes Kara brings food and Lena cracks a few jokes. </p><p>They’re friendly but not friends. Kara wants them to be. Lena doesn’t trust her fully, though. And Kara wants her to. She wants more than what they have. She wants Lena to come to her maybe and to meet in places besides Lena’s office and to tell Lena about her life as Kara and not just Supergirl and to hear about Lena’s day. She wants all of it. Kara can tell Lena wants that too. But she’s scared. So Kara gives her the space she needs to open up on her own.</p><p> Eventually, she does. Lena tells her stories about her day and her past as Kara tells her stories and texts Kara throughout the day as Kara texts her. Every step forward makes Kara grin like a fool. One day, Kara shows up with no villain as an excuse and simply talks with Lena. Lena doesn’t question it, just smiles. Kara beams back. </p><p>As they are about to wrap up that meeting, Kara asks Lena, in a teasing tone, “have any hot weekend plans?” </p><p>Lena smirks, “oh yeah. I have a date-“ (Kara’s heart doesn’t stop) “-with a bunch of papers and a salad.”</p><p>“What?” Kara asks, confused, “you don’t have plans?”</p><p>Lena shrugs, casts her look down to the table, “uh, not really. New in the city and all that.” She avoids Kara’s glance but her voice doesn’t waver, “you’re my only friend in National City.”</p><p>Kara tries to stop smiling upon hearing this. They’re friends! Kara has waited for this victory. But then she gets sad when she thinks about Lena’s plans and lack of friends. </p><p>“Unacceptable!” Kara declares, and then says on impulse, “you’re coming to game night.”</p><p>Lena’s eyes shoot up to hers, “what? No, Kara, please, you don’t have to-“</p><p>“Hey,” Kara puts a hand on Lena’s shoulder, looking deeply into her eyes, “this isn’t about pity. You just have a free weekend, and I’d like to spend time with you. That’s what friends are for, right?”</p><p>Lena’s eyes scan hers, a little tilt of lips on her face and a hint of surprise in her green eyes, “right.”</p><p>“Good,” Kara lets go of Lena’s shoulder, almost reluctantly, and beams, “it’s settled then!”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Telling her your secret identity before barely knowing her and then sharing every problem you have as Supergirl is worse enough but now you are inviting her to game night too?! What next, giving her your social security number?”</p><p>“I don’t know maybe,” Kara jokes, “I mean, she’s rich, she has no reason to steal from me.”</p><p>Alex gives her a look.</p><p>“I’m kidding,” Kara says but Alex seems unconvinced, “look, just give her a chance, okay? For me?”</p><p>Alex sighs, “Kara, it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that you can be too trusting at times… you have been betrayed before.”</p><p>“What!” Kara screeches, “name one time that I have been too trusting!”</p><p>“You tried to pick up a snake when you were nine, which bit you and you had to go to the hospital.”</p><p>Oh, right, that did happen. “…Okay,” Kara agrees to Alex’s point, “but I was new to Earth and now I know not to do that. Name two times that I have done that.”</p><p>“You tried to talk down an armed robber!”</p><p>“And he backed down,” Kara smirks, “checkmate! Trust works!”</p><p>“It was crazy stupid though. You could have been shot.”</p><p>“I’m bullet-proof!”</p><p>“Well, are you Kryptonite-proof?” Alex shoots back, concern etched on her features and Kara flinches, “because last I heard you weren’t and that’s something the Luthor family has plenty of.”</p><p>Kara cringes, “please don’t associate her with her family. Adopted family by the way. She renamed her company L-Corp for this exact reason.”</p><p>“It could be a PR game. I’m still not convinced.”</p><p>“But I know her, and I know it’s not!”</p><p>“How can you be sure?” Alex finally gets to her point, “you didn’t let me know about your decision to reveal yourself to someone who might be working with Cadmus! That’s insane! You can’t do shit like this! But if you’re gonna, you have to give a reason. So how. Can you be. So sure.”</p><p>Kara stays silent for a moment. To be honest, she doesn’t really know. She just thought Lena was a good person and that she could trust her. And her reaction proved that. She was excited and happy, not angry or scared. But she can’t know. She can’t know that she can trust Lena. Yes, it can all be an act. But she has a gut feeling that it’s not. “I just know, okay?” Kara whispers, “and she helped us take criminals down, didn’t she? No one came to kill Kara Danvers or anyone I love. Nothing has changed since I told Lena. Isn’t that proof enough?”</p><p>Alex seems to have a comeback on her tongue but after staring for a long time into Kara’s eyes, she has seemed to give in. “It’s not, but maybe your trust is…” Alex pauses. “I’ll try, okay?”</p><p>Kara’s face breaks into a grin, “yay!”</p><p>“But-” Alex points a finger at her, “if I think there’s anything suspicious going on with her, you won’t be talking to her again.”</p><p>Kara wants to repeat the sentence back to her with a teasing tone or say an “okay, mom” quip, but instead she contains herself, saying, “promise.”</p><p>Although she does cross her fingers behind her back.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Thankfully, Kara never has to break her promise to Alex, because Alex absolutely loves Lena. They bond over making fun of Kara, and chatting about science with excitement in their eyes, and eventually over betraying Kara to play against her at game night. When Lena leaves and Alex gives her verdict to Kara, she feels like she can breathe again.</p><p>She likes the thought of having both Lena and her sister.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The reason she likes being with Lena is that while Lena loves asking questions about Supergirl (and hearing stories about Krypton, fascination in her eyes) she loves Kara Danvers more than Supergirl. She would listen to Kara complain about Snapper or Mon-El, or share ideas about stories Kara wants to report, or watch her chomp down food in an inhuman way, or just talk with her about anything and nothing (their favorite films, shows, artists, etc.). But she also doesn’t have to be just Kara Danvers. She can float into Lena’s office through her balcony that is always open, ask her for help with saving the world anytime she wants, heat her coffee with heat vision (and accidentally make it explode), and have her over at game night where she is Kara and the Girl of Steel. </p><p>That’s why her heart warms when Lena asks for Kara to come with her to the gala as Kara Danvers but doesn’t mind the fact that Kara wants to be there as Supergirl to protect her. </p><p>Lena asks Kara to the gala when coming to CatCo. Kara is surprised when she does so. Her stomach flutters happily when Lena calls Kara her friend. Lena picks Kara up at 7 sharp and Kara has a moment of awed admiration at Lena’s car, which makes Lena chuckle at the response. Kara zips back and forth between being Supergirl and Kara, and Kara’s attempts at hiding it makes Lena chuckle. </p><p>“Kara,” Lena says, amusement not hidden from her tone, “you just missed Supergirl.”</p><p>Lena’s a really good actor because no one seems suspicious. Kara, however, is not that good. “Did I? Golly.”</p><p>Lena turns to her, frowns, and bites her lip again, this time to stop herself from laughing. </p><p>Kara doesn’t mind the fact that Lena’s mocking her. In fact, she thinks she wouldn’t mind if it happened more throughout that night. She used to find hiding her identity tiring, but with Lena by her side, it’s somehow fun. Until the explosion, of course.</p><p>Later that day, Kara comes to her office to find it filled with flowers. So many flowers. Flowers with pink, purple, blue, yellow, white, orange, and red colors. Flowers of all kinds: lilies, daisies, roses, orchids, sunflowers, and tulips. Kara holds her breath as she sees all the flowers. She turns back to her co-workers, with a questioning look and they all smirk back. Her face heats up. In the midst of the sea of the flowers, sits a card. A card that reads:</p><p> “Thank you for last night.</p><p>-Lena Luthor.”</p><p>God, Lena went way over the top with this. She calls her.</p><p>“Hey, Kara, how are you doing?” Lena answers, smugness in her tone, “how was your morning?”</p><p>“Surprising, to say the least.”</p><p>“Really? Why?”</p><p>“Lena, I’m not sure how I can work in this office!”</p><p>“Well, good. Isn’t a good reporter never meant to work from her office?”</p><p>Lena has a point there, Kara has to admit. “You… you didn’t have to do this.”</p><p>“Of course I did,” Lena insists, “I’m one of the few people to have Supergirl’s address. I have to take advantage of that.”</p><p>Lena’s words make Kara blush. “How can I argue with that?” she teases. </p><p>~~~</p><p>What Kara treasures most about her friendship with Lena, is the fact that Lena lets Kara in. Not at first, granted. At first it was rare for Lena to share anything about being a Luthor, although Kara did talk to her about her and Alex’s shenanigans when they were younger and how she got her glasses from Jeremiah and how she became Supergirl. Needless to say, Lena listened, and for some parts understood, but in that point in time Lena had been yet to share.</p><p>Until she had. Or at least, has started to.</p><p>Kara had advised Lena the day before to go see her mother, hoping it would help Lena get some closure. Kara figured that since Lena didn’t want to talk to Kara about their issues, maybe Lena can deal with her Luthor life on her own. For Kara, doing things on her own helped her more than talking. Maybe Lena was the same, she had thought. And Kara knew that despite everything her parents had done, if she had the chance to talk to them, she would want to do it, without any hesitation. She told Lena all that. Lena didn’t seem convinced, and Kara wasn’t sure if Lena had done it until she gets the call from Lena. </p><p>She has been waiting to bite into the potstickers she had bought when she gets the call. The caller ID shows Lena is the one calling her, so she pouts but puts her lunch aside to answer the call. </p><p>“Hey, Lena! I’m just about to eat lunch. Want to join me? Or I can take my lunch to you?”</p><p>“Oh, uh, I’ll have to take a raincheck on that. I’m… I’m busy…”</p><p>“Okay!” Kara says, used to Lena being busy, so the cheerful tone comes naturally, “so, why did you call?”</p><p>“I took your advice and I… Came to visit her.”</p><p>Kara pauses. Her first thought is that she is glad Lena took her advice. Her second thought is that Lena sounds... nervous. Unsure. Scared. Her third thought, as a continuation of her second thought, is that maybe it was a bad idea to suggest that to Lena and that sometimes avoiding something is the best course of action, with trauma involved. Her fourth thought is that Lena <em> called </em> her. Lena trusts her. And her fifth and final thought is that maybe she should talk. </p><p>“Well, um,” Kara doesn’t know why she’s whispering all of a sudden. Perhaps to keep the conversation private. “What was it like?”</p><p>“I didn’t go in yet.”</p><p>Kara nods, but then realizes Lena can’t see that, “gathering courage?”</p><p>Lena doesn’t say anything, which is as good as agreeing. </p><p>“It’s okay to be scared,” Kara says, trying to make her voice reassuring, “just know that you’re safe. She can’t hurt you anymore. Her words don’t matter. You’re better than them in every way. And if you don’t even wanna go in, that’s fine too.”</p><p>Lena’s breaths become less heavy and sharp, Kara’s speech calming her. Kara didn’t even realize how heavy Lena’s breaths were, until now, as Lena calms down. Kara smiles, knowing her mission has been accomplished. “Promise?”</p><p>“Of course. I can even come there as emotional support.”</p><p>“Thanks, Kara, but I think I’m good. This is something I need to do on my own.”</p><p>“You sure? Cause if not, I can fly there in a jiffy, and we’ll go in or go do something fun.”</p><p>Kara can hear Lena smirking at the word jiffy. “No, that’s okay. I’m going to go in.”</p><p>“Okay,” Kara grins, happy Lena is facing her fears. But before Lena can hang up, Kara has a question she has to ask Lena. “Uh, Lena, just, uh, one thing?”</p><p>“Yeah, Kara?”</p><p>“You called me?”</p><p>“I did.” Amusement colors Lena’s voice. </p><p>“Yeah, no, I know, but… Why?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Lena sounds puzzled, “of course I called you. You’re my friend. And you helped put Lilian in jail. Who else would I call?”</p><p>Kara tries to fight a smirk, battling against the possessiveness in her, “no one, I guess.” </p><p>~~~</p><p>More times with Lena being vulnerable followed. When Lilian escapes jail she lets Kara hold her. When Lena’s ex dies she lets Kara comfort her. Whenever the subject of Cadmus comes up, she talks about her Lilian. She trusts Kara with anything. It makes Kara’s heart swell. </p><p>It’s like having a best friend. A best friend that she smiles at the thought of meeting, a best friend that makes her blush, a best friend she wants to know everything about (like once, she wondered what the taste of Lena’s lips would be) a best friend she is constantly in awe of, a best friend whose ex she wishes would go away so she could be with Lena. She never felt like that about any friend. Lena is special like that. </p><p>But she wants more.</p><p>But she wants to spend every moment with Lena, hug her and touch her any opportunity she gets, send her texts with hearts and get sent hearts back, she wants to know about every day in Lena’s life and hear her every thought, and she wants Lena to always be safe and protected by her. She wants all that and more.</p><p>~~~</p><p>She doesn’t realize exactly how much she had come to care for Lena until the moment she sees her on that spaceship, relieved to find her alive, healthy, and single. She nearly kills Lillian on the spot, though. She looks on awed, as Lena makes a brilliant device to help drive away the Daxmites, while still keeping humans safe. </p><p>After the fact, Alex gives her a look. Kara doesn’t know what for. </p><p>“You want more with her, don’t you?” Alex asks.</p><p>Kara knows she wants more, yes. But the way Alex says it, she has a feeling she needs to figure out what more is with Lena. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Kara’s happy. So genuinely happy. As she looks at her group of friends and family (Alex, J’onn, Maggie, James, Winn, and of course, Lena) all here to celebrate her Earth birthday, she feels happy. Happy for the fact she has so many people she can be Kara Zor-El with. So many people with whom she can celebrate the fact that she’s here, on Earth. She never had that many people that she could do that with.</p><p>“Aw, she’s got that sappy look all over her face again!” Alex accuses, waving a fork covered with cake frosting at her, “stop it!”</p><p>“What?” Kara defense, “no sappy look here.”</p><p>“No, no, there is most certainly sappiness on your face,” Winn backs up Alex’s point, “goofy grin, dreamy look in your eyes, speech-a-coming.” He looks to her, a deadpan glare in his eyes, “stop it.”</p><p>“Yeah, I love your speeches as much as the next guy, little Danvers, but a birthday party is a pretty regular thing. Once a year, all that stuff.”</p><p>Before Kara could reply that it’s not the birthday she’s emotional about, but the people she’s celebrating with, Lena jumps to her defense. </p><p>“Lay off Kara,” Lena says. And Kara points at Lena to support that statement. “Kara is allowed to be as sappy as she wants.”</p><p>“Betrayed by my best friend!” Kara declares dramatically, and all her friends roll their eyes. “I’m not being sappy, guys!”</p><p>“Kara, being sappy is nothing to be ashamed about,” J’onn teases. </p><p>“Yeah, I for one, would like a sappy speech,” James says, and the whole room erupts into an argument about whether or not Kara’s sappy speeches are good or bad, much to Kara’s dismay. </p><p>“Enough!” Kara screeches, the whole room again coming to a halt, “now, this is my Earth birthday, and I can have as many sappy faces as I want, although I’m not saying I do have a sappy face. And for that matter, as many speeches as I want, regardless of your opinion.”</p><p>“Oh no,” Alex mumbles. </p><p>“It's just…” Kara begins, “ever since I came to Earth, I kind of only had Eliza and Jeremiah and Alex to celebrate my birthday with. And then just Eliza, and then just Alex, and last year, just me.”</p><p>Alex looks to her apologetically, and Kara smiles, showing her all is forgiven. </p><p>“And now I have all of you, and I feel like the luckiest Kryptonian on Earth!” </p><p>No one commented on the fact that there aren’t many to go around. </p><p>“I just… Just thanks, you guys. I know this is kind of stupid and not that big of a deal but I’m glad that you all came here.”</p><p>And then it was everyone’s cue to give Kara a group hug. They all laughed at the awkwardness of it, and the sappiness of Kara’s speech, and mumbled how much they love Kara and are glad to be there for her. </p><p>When they pulled away, Kara had a few tears in her eyes. Tears of happiness. </p><p>It’s funny. Her Earth birthday used to be a harsh reminder of the fact she lost Krypton when she was younger, and now it’s a happy occasion of the day she found her sanctuary, of the day her life began again. </p><p>“Okay, presents now!” Kara blinks the tears away to grin at the fact she was about to receive her gifts. “...Which again you really didn't have to bring.”</p><p>Everyone chuckles at that last-minute addition. Her friends know how much she loves gifts. </p><p>Alex gifts her the mandatory birthday cupcake. Winn gives her a gift card for her favorite Chinese restaurant, which she looks forward to using. James hands her a beautiful leather-bound black notebook for Kara to use to take notes. J’onn offers her a cool Martian cloaking device, which Alex eyes jealousy and Lena teases her about needing desperately. Maggie gives her a fortune cookie, with the words “happy birthday, Kara” inside them and excuses it by saying Alex said they were giving cheap presents, and that it was made especially for her. Kara doesn't mind, mouth full and all. Which leaves…</p><p>“Is it my turn now?” Lena asks. </p><p>Kara nods, swallowing the fortune cookie, “yeah, I guess so.”</p><p>Lena hands the gift to Kara, a big box wrapped with blue and red wrapping papers. When Kara holds it, it’s heavier than she thought it would be (although still not very heavy). As soon as she has it in her lap, she tears the wrapping papers on the box, revealing... a cardboard box. But when she opens the box it has in it… a beautiful typewriter. The white paint on the typewriter is peeling with age, showing bronze metal from underneath. The letters on the typewriter are carved in a unique way, not just a simple, regular font, but they’re a bit curvy. The whole thing seems like it could click as she rapidly types in it and ring happily as the line goes down. It’s old but so beautiful. She stares at it for several moments. </p><p>“So, what do you think?” Lena says, a nervousness Kara almost doesn't recognize coming out of her tone and body language. </p><p>“I just… it’s just…” she stumbles over her words, suddenly desperate to hold Lena’s hand, “God, Lena, it's beautiful.” Kara had a love for all things old. On Krypton, the new and modern was prioritized, the old things shunned and left behind, in the past where they belonged. On Earth, some believed in that too, but others treasured the old. And as she grew up, Kara became one of those people, at first because she found learning how humans have evolved and everything about human history fascinating, then because she knew what happened to Krypton when they favored the new no matter what.</p><p>Lena smiles softly, “I’m glad you like it. I just thought… I thought a reporter like you should have the proper paraphernalia.” </p><p>They smile softly at each other, Kara touched by the fact that Lena continues to be a big fan of her work as a reporter and has bought her this thoughtful, amazing gift she loves. </p><p>Winn clears his throat, breaking the moment between the two, and they stop holding hands. “Well, we have games to play!”</p><p>Kara beams and goes to see what her friends have prepared for her. </p><p>Only when the guests leave does Kara realize she has no use for a typewriter. God, she has to figure out what is the more she wants with Lena because it has been starting to blind her. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Summer turns into Autumn, and Kara smiles on proudly when the girl of steel statue is unveiled to the public, smiles when Lena calls Supergirl a dear friend of hers. She gets excited with Lena about working together, and can’t help but teasingly call her boss. They fight villains and she frets over Morgan Edge. It all seems perfect. Yet, for the life of her, she still can’t figure out what makes her feel so unsatisfied with her friendship with Lena. She should be happy with their relationship. For some reason, she isn’t. But she wants more. Why does and what does she want more? </p><p>~~~</p><p>Kara hates Morgan Edge. She hated everyone and everything who had made Lena this unhappy, of course. Lilian, Cadmus, even Daxamites. But she hates Edge more because he has made Lena doubt herself. She wishes she didn’t have a conscience, or she would have found him and killed him already. But she has one, and she thinks the most helpful move would be to comfort Lena anyways. </p><p>When she finds Lena, drunk and miserable, her heart breaks. </p><p>“Hey,” she says when she sees her, “look!” Lena is talking about the broken glasses, “I made a metaphor.”</p><p>“Are you here alone?” Kara asks, wanting to get the broken glass out of the way.</p><p>“Yeah,” Lena says, “any news on the front?”</p><p>“Nothing yet. But I’m not giving up. Until we know for sure, I’m turning over every rock, every-”</p><p>“No, just. Just stop,” Lena says.</p><p>Kara sits down on the stool next to her, “Lena… you can’t give up now.”</p><p>“But Kara I did it!” she snaps, “I did it. All I ever wanted was to be good. For a lot of reasons… and I did it, I did one good thing,” Lena starts giggling, “and now I’ve poisoned a bunch of children. Even my brother didn’t do that.”</p><p>“No, Lena, there’s still a chance it wasn’t you.”</p><p>“I know you want to believe everyone is good, and that’s one of the things I love about you…” Kara’s heart flutters. “But that’s not the real world. In the real world, everything I do hurts people. It’s in my DNA,” she laughs bitterly, and then her voice breaks, “so please just… just stop, okay?” And then comes the line that truly breaks Kara’s heart, “I’m not… I’m not worth it.”</p><p>Kara pauses for a moment, thinks about all the things Lena just said. How she has given up. How she doesn’t think she is worth it. How much she hates to see and hear all this happen to Lena. How much she hates that this is the moment Lena tells Kara she loves her. And then after she thinks about all this, she stubbornly refuses to let Lena give up on herself, to let her think those things about herself. </p><p>She pulls her phone out and places it on the counter in front of Lena. </p><p>“Kara, what-” </p><p>“Just - watch.” Her tone leaves no room for disagreement so Lena does as she is told. </p><p>On Kara’s phone, a video is playing. A mother and her son, sitting on a hospital bed. The kid doesn’t look extremely well but the mother puts on a brave smile for him. Lena looks away, probably realizing why the boy is in a hospital.</p><p>“Hey, Lena Luthor,” the mother says, and Lena’s head snaps back to Kara’s phone, “I wanted you to know we are in a hospital right now and it’s for the reason you think it is.”</p><p>“Kara, is this torture?” Lena looks miserable. Kara shushes her. </p><p>“My son is a big fan of yours. He wants to be just like you when he’s older. Isn’t that right, Caleb? You want to be just like Supergirl’s science friend?” Caleb nods. Lena groans. “And we wanted to say that, we believe in you.”</p><p>Lena’s jaw drops. </p><p>“I don’t know if this is your fault or not, and even if it is, it doesn’t matter. Because I know that if anyone can find a cure for this, it’s you. You saved the world. You can save these kids, too. We wouldn’t have gone to this hospital if we didn’t believe in that. We believe in you. Please - just help us.” </p><p>The video shuts off. Kara looks at Lena. She looks shocked and on the verge of tears. Kara decides this is the moment to wrap her arms around Lena. </p><p>“Anyone who knows you, knows you are a good person,” Kara tries to shake the sense into Lena while squeezing her tightly, “you should know that, too. Please don’t stop believing in yourself. If not for your sake, or my sake, then for the world’s sake.” </p><p>Lena doesn’t say anything for a while. Silent tears stroll down her face. And then she turns towards Kara, so they’re nose to nose, green to blue and-</p><p>She kisses her. Lena Luthor kisses her, Kara Danvers. She kisses her roughly, desperately. She doesn't seek entrance into Kara’s mouth, doesn’t bite her lips, just presses her lips against Kara’s urgently. Her lips are so soft. Kara’s whole body is tingling, and it feels like all Kara feels is Lena’s lips against hers, the world around them black and silent. As her senses come back to her, she can feel the tears on Lena’s face against her own cheeks, the tremors of Lena’s shoulders against Kara’s arms that are still around Lena, she can hear their lips touching, she can smell and taste the wine on Lena’s breath. </p><p>And as Kara breaks away for a second to change the angle, Kara realizes something; she’s kissing Lena back. She’s kissing Lena back with the same intensity that Lena is kissing her. She’s kissing Lena, who is drunk and who she is taking advantage of.</p><p>Instead of changing the angle, Kara breaks away from Lena. </p><p>“I can’t… I can’t do this right now.” Her face heats up and she flees Sam’s apartment. </p><p> God. There has never been a worse moment in history to realize this is the more she wants. </p><p>~~~</p><p>When Lena’s name is cleared and the cure Lena has made (she really is a genius) is working, Sam, Kara, and Lena celebrate. They drink wine (though Kara makes sure that not too much), and Lena thanks them for not letting her give up. Kara and Sam tell her that of course, that’s what friends do. While the words “friend” used to make Kara happy, now they sting, knowing she never wanted to be just friends with Lena. </p><p>When Sam leaves them alone for a moment, they both tense. Stay quiet. Kara knows she should talk to Lena about it, but she has no idea if Lena even remembers. If she doesn't, Kara could be ruining a friendship by speaking up. She thinks of all of this, considering her course of action, until Lena says-</p><p>“Listen, about that other night…”</p><p>And that’s when Alex decided to call her.</p><p>~~~</p><p>‘Hey, you disappeared. I can’t find you anywhere.’</p><p>It’s the first text from Lena since the night they almost talked. Since then, she has decided to take Alex to Eliza’s house, so Alex can get over her broken engagement at her own pace. She thinks she wants to talk to Lena. But Alex comes first, of course. She isn’t avoiding her feelings at all. </p><p>‘Yeah, don’t worry. Alex just needed some cheering up, so we went home. Like, hometown-home.’</p><p>After a moment of consideration, she types, ‘we need to talk when I get home’. She mulls it over again, then changes it to, ‘I’ll talk to you when we get home.’ She frowns before typing again ‘talk when I’m home?’ </p><p>Then she deletes it all and closes her phone.</p><p>Kara is just so confused at the moment. She knows she wants Lena, but her attraction to girls is something new. But the more she thinks of it, it’s also old. She always admired girls, like girls at school or college or Lucy Lane or Cat. But this realization is new… and the fact that she can have a relationship with a girl is also new. It’s new, but it’s new like when she became Supergirl. Embracing what she always was. Ha, Winn was right in the end.  </p><p>“Hey,” Alex shows up and Kara hides her phone from her. “What are you thinking about?”</p><p>“How to cheer you up,” she fibs cheerfully and quickly.</p><p>Alex rolls her eyes, “I don’t want to talk about that. Let's talk about you. What’s new with you?”</p><p>“Nothing much,” she plays with the hem of her shirt, “you sure you don’t want to talk about you?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m sure,” Alex says, irritated. </p><p>“Lena kissed me.”</p><p>Alex pauses for a moment but then relaxes. “Oh.”</p><p>“It happened a few days ago. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to bum you out…” </p><p>“Yeah, no, I get that,” she pauses again before hesitatingly saying, “did you… did you kiss her back?”</p><p>“...I did.”</p><p>“And do you want anything more to happen?”</p><p>“I… I don’t know. Maybe.”</p><p>Alex smiles at her, “it’s okay. You have time to figure it out.”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess.”</p><p>A beat of silence passes.</p><p>“Alex?” </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I’m bisexual.”</p><p>“I figured as much,” her sister says, amused. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Kara is shocked to discover how much her attraction to Lena has always been there. It was there when she met her and she decided to reveal herself to her based on instinct, based on wanting so desperately for Lena to trust her... it was there when she based her career on the fact that Lena thought she looked like a journalist… was there when she took any excuse to see Lena, a villain or a lunch or wanting company… was there when she grew flustered whenever Lena looked at her in a certain way, talked to her in a certain way… there whenever she wanted nothing more than Lena safe and in her arms… there when she wanted to comfort Lena… there when she was just curious about how Lena’s lips felt… when she often admired Lena for her striking features and beautiful soft green eyes… when she found her own eyes drifting lower than Lena’s face at times… when she felt panicked whenever she thought Lena was in danger… it was there. All throughout their friendship.</p><p>Kara always thought Lena and her had a special connection because they were best friends. But, as she is learning, she wants them to be more than that. She thinks that she wants them to be more than that. She hasn’t made up her mind yet. She figures she could use some advice.</p><p>Alex tells her that talking to Kara helped her. So Kara figured she could take her own advice. By reading the journals she keeps. </p><p>She kept those ever since she was a teen when she felt alone and needed an outlet. She continued with the habit as she grew up and grew less dramatic but stayed with a love for writing. As a journalist, she kept writing them because she thought they could be useful. </p><p>She reads them again. She reads the journals she wrote after she met Lena. She went through four journals since then, her record of journals per year. She reads them and as she does she realizes… how blind she was in her feelings towards Lena. Kara writes so poetically, so adoringly about Lena. She writes about how much she believes in her and how she just wants to be with her. She compares those journals with the journals she wrote while she liked James. She sees how the feelings she describes are identical. Except… maybe… perhaps more intense in Lena’s case. Almost like she was… like she is… </p><p>Kara falls to the carpet, leather-bound notebooks surrounding her. She’s terrified. She’s faced aliens, her planet being destroyed, being Cat Grant’s assistant, Kryptonite, coming out as an alien to Winn, being Supergirl… but having these feelings for Lena, this will be her downfall. This is the thing that scares her the most. </p><p>She’s even too chicken to talk to Lena. She’s been so busy lately, that she hasn’t even gotten a chance to text her (not that Lena texted her either since she was worried when Kara disappeared from National City). It’s either she’s in her hometown or she has a fight to fight or she has a wedding to attend, and then more fights she could have died in. And maybe once she’s seen Lena in CatCo, but she suddenly heard someone calling for help, so it’s not her fault, she has things to do. </p><p>So it’s mostly that. Her being too busy. Except it’s not just that. </p><p>She isn’t ready yet. Finding out something this big about herself is weird for her. She always thought her attraction to girls was just admiration, friendship or jealousy. But now… she gets what Alex meant when she said she’s remembering all the thoughts she used to have. And she needs time. To fully understand who she is. </p><p>And… she’s not ready to lose Lena. She doesn’t know if Lena feels something towards her or that the kiss was just a mix of alcohol and vulnerability, but either option is too risky. If Lena denies her, their friendship could be ruined by Kara always wanting more and there being an awkward undertone to their friendship. If Lena will be with her… she might never have her best friend back because Kara isn’t the best with romantic feelings.</p><p>She groans and buries her face in the floor. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Kara isn’t an anxious person, but she likes to be reassured. She gave all of her friends watches, for that reason. The watches were to be used if they were ever in danger and Kara couldn’t know. Lena got one too. She gave Lena’s hers, the first time she thought she could get away with it, the first time Lena was attacked after they became friends… so not very long after. Kara isn’t anxious, but she finds it reassuring. The fact that if any of her friends ever needs help, she could be there for them. </p><p>Kara was about to sleep when the watch beeps. When Lena’s watch beeps. Kara protests for a second, wanting her sleep undisturbed. Until she realizes what has just happened, and opens her eyes wide in terror, jolting awake, and flying to Lena’s apartment. </p><p>True to the calling of the watch, Lena is there and in danger, cuffed to a chair, surrounded by three men. Lena looks definitely at the men, as she always does in these situations. Kara suspects they are working for Edge. She hangs back, listening to them speak as she lurks, floating near the window, but out of sight.</p><p>The men are all dressed in black. One of them points a gun at Lena, the other seems to be taking in her apartment and the last one just finishes talking into a walkie talkie. The one who just finished talking, turns to Lena, “alright, call for your guardian angel.”</p><p>Kara takes a step back, realizing Lena did what they asked of her, suddenly valuing the three men as more of a threat. </p><p>“And then what? You’ll shoot her with your guns?” Lena mocks, “haven’t the evil guys already gotten the memo that Supergirl is bulletproof?”</p><p><em> Oh </em>, Kara thinks and relaxes. Threat level: 0. </p><p>“I agree with her,” one of the men, the one looking at Lena’s apartment, says anxiously, “if she’ll call Supergirl over she’ll kill us.”</p><p>“Relax, what are you afraid of?” one of the other men, the one who was pointing a gun at Lena, ridicules the other one, “we just want her to call for Supergirl, to prove that Supergirl isn’t coming."</p><p>The other men, the one with the walkie talkie nods, “yeah. You know, when boss said Supergirl isn’t your guard dog anymore, I was skeptical, but now I guess it's true.” He says and Kara’s blood boils at the accusation that she abandoned Lena and the way Lena's gaze momentarily falls. </p><p>“So, if you’re not after Supergirl, who are you after?” Lena asks, “I’m guessing my money, by those pitiful ski masks and the one gun.”</p><p>The man with the gun growls, “shut up. We don’t want your money. We’re paid well. We want people to know that Supergirl jumped ship with you. Then everyone who hates the Luthor name will come and claim you until there’s no one in the way of Edge to build his-”</p><p>The other man shushes him, “what are you doing? Telling her the plan isn’t part of the plan!”</p><p>“I think there are some holes in your plan,” Kara decides to reveal herself.</p><p>The man who did nothing shrieks and runs away, the man with the gun points his gun at her, and the effects on the last guy are only to pale. Kara sighs at the gun, “she already told you I’m bulletproof.” </p><p>The gunman starts shooting at her but Kara bends the gun easily, resulting in one bullet on the ceiling. The guy drops the gun in surprise and then stumbles backward. Kara lets him run. </p><p>“Hey, this is a new apartment,” Lena protests. </p><p>“Sorry, Miss Luthor, I’ll take care of it,” Kara promises and turns to the last man standing. </p><p>He looks up at her, wide eyes filled with fear. “Are you going to kill me?” he mumbles. </p><p>“No,” Kara says and snatches the walkie-talkie away, “I’m only after this.”</p><p>The last guy runs too. </p><p>She snarls at the walkie talkie. “Listen, Edge, if you even think of touching her again, I’ll destroy you. Damn my moral compass. I swear to you that this is the last time. Because I’m <em> always </em> there for Lena Luthor.” She then crumbles the device with her fist, turns it into a useless piece of metal. Lena beams at her, at that, and Kara smiles back.</p><p>“Hey,” Lena says.</p><p>“Hey,” Kara says back.</p><p>After a moment she realizes Lena’s still tied up and kneels to release her. They both chuckle awkwardly. </p><p>Once Lena is free and Kara checks Lena’s wrists, there seems to be nothing more to do. “So, uh,” Kara asks, “how have you been?”</p><p>“Good,” Lena answers, “busy.”</p><p>“That’s good.”</p><p>“And you?” Lena raises a brow in curiosity.</p><p>“Busy, too.”</p><p>“That‘s good,” Lena repeats. </p><p>Kara disagrees, “not so much. Superhero busy is not working at your dream-job busy.”</p><p>“Ah.” Lena seems to consider for a moment, before saying, trying to betray the least emotion as possible, “haven't seen you at CatCo.”</p><p>Kara winces. “Yeah, as I said, busy,” Kara lies.</p><p>They sit awkwardly for a moment. </p><p>“Kara-” “You know, Lena-” they start at the same time and at that Kara laughs and Lena lets out a stammer. </p><p>“You go first,” Kara requests. </p><p>“No, you go,” Lena pleads, and the desperation in her voice makes Kara speak.</p><p>“I just… I wanted you to know that I didn’t jump ship,” Kara holds Lena's hand and squeezes, “I’m still here. I was just busy. Though I admit that… I could have reached out and I’m sorry I didn’t. I was too scared of our relationship changing. And I needed time. After… after everything. I needed to think.”</p><p>Lena closes her eyes in relief, trying to hold back tears. “Are we still friends?” Lena asks, afraid. </p><p>“Of course we are,” Kara jumps to reassure her, and adds, “we’re best friends.”</p><p>Lena smiles at the addition. When Lena smiles genuinely, it’s so warm, Kara feels like Lena’s the sun powering her. </p><p>Kara beams back, “that’s why it took me so long to think. I wanted to keep you…” <em> as a friend </em> “...I wanted to keep you,” Kara settles for.</p><p>“You’ll always have me. I can’t help it. I miss you too much.”</p><p>Kara melts, “I missed you too.”</p><p>They meet halfway for the hug, Lena burying her face in Kara’s neck, Kara doing the same for Lena. Kara relaxes in Lena’s arms, all the tension, of figuring out who she is and what she wants, it's gone. This is all she wants, Kara knows. </p><p>They part eventually, though they still lean close, Kara missing having Lena and Lena wanting to feel Kara’s warmth. </p><p>Hesitatingly, she leans in. “Did you mean it? What you said? What you did? Did you want to kiss me? Do you really love me?” she whispers, “Or were you just drunk?”</p><p>Lena’s breath hitches and Kara can hear her heart pounding. “I thought…” Lena started before answering, “I meant it.”</p><p>“I mean it, too.” <em> I love you. </em></p><p>Kara meets Lena halfway.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Kara has never felt this way before. She feels ten times taller. She feels up to anything. She feels like she can defeat anyone that comes her way. </p><p>Lena and Kara are officially dating and it was everything Kara didn’t know she wanted. They got together near Christmas, so they planned to come out to the rest of their friends (minus Alex who Kara told immediately after they kissed) at Kara’s party and then go out on a date. The week before they didn’t go on an official first date yet, but they watched movies together, ate takeaway food together, texted each other all throughout the day, both staring dopily at their phones whenever they got a heart emoji, and made out in Kara’s and Lena’s place a few times, both breathless and delighted when they cut off from their kissing, happily staring at each other’s faces for as long as they wanted. Kara never had a relationship like that before, and it was amazing. It felt like finding your soulmate. </p><p>They planned on going on a date after the party, but the party was cut short by Reign appearing and making their plans go awry. </p><p>Now, that had seemed to calm down for the while, Kara puts all her anxieties and worries aside, because she’s finally taking Lena out on a date. </p><p>“Meet me outside your apartment,” Kara texts her.</p><p>It takes a few moments, but eventually, Lena comes down to find Supergirl floating near her sidewalk. “Supergirl,” Lena says, amusement evident in her voice, “what are you doing here? I was expecting my girlfriend.”</p><p>Kara’s heart warms at the word girlfriend. “And you’ll see her if you come with me,” Kara smirks, and offers Lena a bridal carry.</p><p>Lena looks at Kara’s arms suspiciously. “Where are you taking me?” </p><p>“That’s a surprise,” Kara beams, “come one, I promise you’ll be safe.” </p><p>Lena takes her word for it. She lets Kara lift her into a bridal carry, and then has her breath taken away when Kara immediately goes into super speed and flies away with her.</p><p>After a hellish minute where Lena can fleetingly knows that she and Kara are crossing lands and beaches and cities and oceans and villages, they land and Lena needs a lot of time to catch her breath. </p><p>“Oh my God, Kara! What the Hell was that?” Lena demands, not enjoying the ride at all.</p><p>Kara looks at her concerned, “sorry! I knew this works with unconscious people, I knew you would be fine!”</p><p>“Well, I guess only Kryptonians can do it consciously,” Lena says, though she tries to smile through it to show Kara she’s only teasing. ”On the way home, we’ll take a plane. Speaking of, where are we?”</p><p>Lena seems to have caught her breath and was now looking around the place, curious. </p><p>Kara brings her glasses back to their place to fiddle with them, “Paris.”</p><p>Lena whips around to Kara, “on our first date, you brought me to Paris?!” Lena spots their restaurant a few feet away, “oh my God, I love this place.”</p><p>“So it’s okay?” Kara asks nervously.</p><p>“Is it okay?” Lena asks, looking at her with awe and adoration, “Kara, it’s amazing! I’ve really been missing out on the benefits of Supergirl as a girlfriend.”</p><p> Kara giggles and takes Lena’s hand, “I’m really glad you like it, Lena. Now, come on, we have a reservation and I still have to change.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>After Kara changes, Lena and Kara sit down at the restaurant. For a second, it’s awkward and new and weird but then they order, Lena speaking French fluently, and they both remember they’ve done this countless times before and relax. They start talking about their friends, their work, their lives, how beautiful the city is and how they should definitely take a walk in the city when they’re done eating. Lena teases Kara but how she’s eating crab wrong and Kara delights at how much Lena enjoys her food. Under the table, Kara aimlessly and anxiously searches for Lena’s hand, until Lena finds the tips of Kara’s fingers and holds on tight. They smile at each other, flirt with each other, look into each other's eyes. Kara never wanted anything more. </p><p>They finish with a walk, as promised. Lena feels chilly so Kara lends Lena her jacket, Kara saying she was too hot anyway. Lena raises a brow, wondering about the fact that Kryptonians can get warm. </p><p>“Yes and no,” Kara answers, wrapping her jacket around Lena’s shoulders, “the temperatures in Krypton are pretty cold, so when I came to Earth, I had to get used to the warmth. So, on other plants we can, I suppose.”</p><p>“That’s fascinating,” the scientist in Lena says. Kara chuckles. </p><p>They walk in science, Kara eventually gathering enough courage to hold Lena’s hand. Lena’s hand is soft and cold, like the hands whose owners use a lot of hand sanitizers, and Kara shudders at how amazing it feels against her skin. “You know I wanted to live here growing up,” Lena looks around the city, how quiet and how nicely paved the sidewalk is. She then frowns, “well, actually when I was three, I wanted to live in the jungle. But by the time I was adopted by the Luthors I wanted to live here.”</p><p>“You wanted to live in the jungle?” Kara asks, surprised. Kara only wanted to be back on Krypton when she was younger, until she fell in love with Earth, of course.</p><p>“Yes, my mother told me a lot of stories about it.” And then Lena falls silent and thoughtful and Kara decides that’s a conversation for another day.</p><p>“So why did you decide to live in National City?” Kara asks instead, having always found that intriguing. </p><p>Lena looks into her eyes, “you, actually.”</p><p>Kara feels taken aback by the intensity of it all. “Huh?” </p><p>“I wanted to share my home with a Kryptonian. I thought that by coming to National City, it would be easier to restore the Luthor name because you lived there. But I still kept my walls up, not wanting to get hurt once again. I’ll always be grateful for you knocking those walls down.” </p><p>Kara tears up at the admission, having a hard time believing how wonderful Lena is. “I’m thankful I knocked them down too.”</p><p>The morning after, Kara will be served freshly cooked breakfast by Lena and will wonder how she got so lucky. She’ll eat everything and then she’ll pull Lena towards her, thinking about the night before, when hands, tongues, and bodies moved freely, colliding with one another.</p><p>~~~</p><p>After their first date, Kara and Lena have gone into a full honeymoon phase. They kissed, held hands, hugged, touched any time they could, always seeming to want more from each other. It was worse than when they were friends. </p><p>James always looks away and doesn't comment when it happens. Winn is happy for Kara, having told her it would always happen to her. Sam thinks they’re cute and is glad that Lena isn’t venting about how blind Kara is anymore. J’onn agrees it’s unprofessional, but advises Alex to stay out of it. Alex doesn’t obey. </p><p>As a result, Alex was now giving them a lecture, waving a paper in front of their face. </p><p>“How could you have been this reckless?!” Alex yelled. </p><p>The reason for that would be that Lena was wearing a revealing dress, and Lena noticed Kara staring. But at this moment, Kara wisely decides to keep her mouth shut.</p><p>“A Luthor and a Super,” Alex reads the title. She drops the newspaper to the table, showing them the photo of them kissing feverishly, “and this is <em> your </em>newspaper.”</p><p>Kara nods, “I agree with you. CatCo should stick to important things, not petty gossip.”</p><p>“That’s beside the point,” Alex says, “you realize this means that if you kiss in public, everyone will know, right?”</p><p>“I guess we could tone it down,” Kara says hesitantly, not wanting her identity revealed but liking her kisses with Lena, “we spend a lot of time inside anyway.” </p><p>Alex smirks, satisfied, “I think that’s the smart thing to do since you’re both public figures and your fans could put two and two together.”</p><p>“Or think Lena’s cheating on Supergirl.”</p><p>“Yeah, the first time. Sooner or later they’ll figure it out.”</p><p>“I don’t think it means that,” Lena intervenes, for the first time since Alex started her lecture, “I could get another interview, one from a lesser paper,” Lena makes sure to tell Kara who smiles at her, “we could come out, say that the kiss made Kara realize her feelings for me.”</p><p>“Won’t that hurt your company?” Kara asks, frowning, concerned, and Alex points towards her.</p><p>Lena shrugs, “I already have a cover kissing Supergirl. Besides, if anyone has a problem with it, I don’t want them associated with my company.” </p><p>“So that means you can’t kiss Supergirl in public,” Alex shoots back, getting desperate. </p><p>“Polyamory does exist, Alex.”</p><p>Alex had nothing to say to that.</p><p>And so, Kara and Lena were on the covers again the next week, their backs to the camera, both on their computers, but their hands are clearly intertwined together. </p><p>Alex’s plan has failed. She hoped by taking the picture and sending it to CatCo, it would be a lesson for Kara and Lena to stop with the PDA. It didn’t work, because if anything, Kara and Lena seem to be kissing even more as if they know. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Eventually, Alex’s efforts weren’t needed, because not long after, the honeymoon phase ended naturally. The Worldkillers were putting Kara on edge, and as a result, she became less outgoing and cheery, but more serious and sullen. Although Lena did like her kisses, she didn’t mind the change, wanting to support and help Kara through it, trying not to think of the day Supergirl may be defeated. But then Lena and Kara got into a fight.</p><p>To be honest, it shouldn’t have been such a surprise that Kryptonite was the reason they were fighting. Kara was already sensitive about being apprehended physically, and it wasn’t a surprise that Lena would fight back, given her friend of many years was suffering and she was already sensitive about being treated as just another Luthor. They managed to be civil while fighting, mostly explaining things coldly and stubbornly. Kara tried to explain to Lena how Kryptonite feels, how horrifying and weakening it was. Lena tried to explain the science behind the conclusion that Kryptonite was the best way to defeat the Worldkillers and get Reign out of Sam. </p><p>The fight was resolved with Lena agreeing not to create anything that could hurt Kara (although she insisted that was never her intention), but Lena was still cold towards Kara, which made Kara even sadder than before, seeking the support she was given before. Kara decided she had to fix this and confronted Lene once again, pleading Lena to see her point of view, and how much it hurt to see her girlfriend making something that hurt her so much. The little speech didn’t do what Kara had hoped, resulting in Lena snapping at her, tears in her eyes, screaming about how much she wished Kara would stop saying she was making Kryptonite to hurt her, how she was only making it to help, how much she hated how she was being treated like a Luthor. Kara, never wanting to make Lena cry, tried apologizing, but Lena wiped her tears and coldly told Kara to leave her alone. Alex promised her that Lena would eventually cool down but it seemed like this fight would drag out for eternity. </p><p>Meanwhile, Kara took Lena’s advice and disappeared into another planet. </p><p>The SuperFriends missed the honeymoon phase.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Kara decides to take her frustrations out on the punching bag. The punching bag is the only one willing to listen anyway. Besides, she figures training can be useful for the surely upcoming fight against the Worldkillers. She punches, she punches, she punches and her thoughts escape her. All she thinks of is her fists and her hits and the bag. She barely breaks a sweat.</p><p>“I think you need a new punching bag.”</p><p>Kara whips around to see Lena standing at the doorway. She whips back around to look at the punching bag and sees that Lena is right; the punching bag is half destroyed. “That’s okay, I got spares,” she tells her.</p><p>Lena watches as Kara lifts the destroyed punching bag onto her shoulder, places it on the ground next to a bunch of other ruined punching bags and lifts a new one over her shoulder. “How much of the DEO’s funding goes towards your punching bags?” Lena jokes.</p><p>Kara shrugs, “not much.” And continues punching. </p><p>Lena shrinks into herself, “yeah, I figured.”</p><p>Kara doesn’t respond.</p><p>“So… how was your trip?” Lena asks.</p><p>“I got what we needed.”</p><p>“And…?”</p><p>Kara turns around towards her. “I thought you told me to leave you alone,” Kara growls and then squints at her, “who told you?”</p><p>“Alex.”</p><p>“Oh, great,” Kara turns around again and continues punching. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Lena asks tentatively. </p><p>“Yes.” The punching bag flies across the room. </p><p>Lena eyes the punching bag. “Clearly,” she says sarcastically. </p><p>Kara goes to get another punching bag, “Lena, I’m busy. We’ll talk later, okay?”</p><p>Lena wants to sigh and leave, but she had promised Alex she’ll talk to Kara. “Kara,” Lena catches Kara’s shoulder, “please, please talk to me. I’m so sorry about everything that happened before you left. I understand that you’re worried that Kryptonite would fall into the wrong hands and it’s not about me. I know you think I’m good. And I know you’re hurting right now, so please, just talk to me.”</p><p>Tears start to gather around Kara’s eyelids, “God, Lena, I’m so sorry. I never meant to treat you like a Luthor. You’re too good and too kind for that,” tears fall down her cheeks, “I missed you so much.” </p><p>Kara’s arms rope around Lena in a too-tight hug but Lena’s so happy for Kara’s smell and touch that she sinks into the hug. </p><p>“I missed you too.”</p><p>Kara starts to sob. She sobs and sobs, and sobs, until she seems to have dried all her tears out. Through the tears, they have fallen into the floor, Lena in Kara’s lap, Kara’s face buried in Lena’s chest, and Lena strokes her back reassuringly. She stops crying gradually and then starts talking. </p><p>“It was so, so hard being there,” she starts ,”I came to this Earth as a kid, and the first thing I knew was that I failed my parent’s last wish, and then I had to adjust to being a human, not being able to mourn my parents or the millions that have died, and I couldn’t even use my superpowers, the one thing I could be happy and excited about. I adjusted to that, but I’ve always felt like an outsider, because I’ve had to hide a part of myself. And all the guilt and hurt, it all could have been spared,” tears well in Kara’s eyes again, “if I just stayed on Krypton. I could have been happy in Argo-City. But now I don’t belong there or here, and I had to see my family who betrayed me and I- I- I- I smiled most of the time because, in the end, they were alive!”</p><p>Kara starts sobbing again, this time because she had to talk about all these emotions, and they all come raising up to her throat. </p><p>Lena can only hold her. “I’m so sorry, Kara,” Lena whispers, “I can’t imagine who any of that feels. But just know you do belong. You belong right here with us.”</p><p>Kara sobs harder, this time shaky, and sounds like healing. She does belong with Lena, she realizes. She always belonged with Lena. She wants that. She wants to have Lena for that long. She wants to have Lena more. </p><p>~~~</p><p>The fight against the Worldkillers is rough and Lena’s and Kara’s hearts jump into their throats on multiple occasions. But eventually, the fighting ends, Sam going back to normal and the whole affair ending with the thrilling conclusion of Alex kissing Sam deeply.</p><p>Everything seems quiet after that. The gang welcomes a new member, Nia. The alien march is a success. Kara gets more time to be with her girlfriend (though they are more subtle now), and to report and just help kittens off trees. Everything seems good. Everything is good.</p><p>Lena asks Kara to move in with her, and they find an apartment with a balcony that doubles as a garden, a gigantic closet, a big, excellent living room filled with Kara and Lena’s old couches and a kitchen paved with brown bricks. Lena nags her to unpack for weeks until eventually, Kara uses her superspeed to do so. On weekdays Kara usually wakes up alone, but she has struck a deal with Lena that on the weekends they wake up next to each other and sometimes Lena will bring her breakfast in bed. And Lena got used to how messy it was; it made it easier to steal Kara’s clothes.</p><p>Kara and Lena both feel happy, but something’s still missing. They still want more.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Christmas comes again and Kara throws a party a second time, this time, with another plan. Kara just prays nothing disrupts her plan again. </p><p>This year, they’re playing Secret Santa. The budget is low, but it goes unspoken that everyone will probably go over budget. The game is planned for after they drink their cocoas and watch a Christmas movie. It was the last thing planned, which was good because Kara was planning on the party ending a little while after that.</p><p>The hot cocoas weren’t very good since Alex and Kara made them this year, and the Netflix movie about a princess and a baker switching roles wasn’t good either, but everyone laughed and talked and had fun either way, teasing Kara for the screwup, making fun of the movie and asking Nia over and over why she thought the movie would be good.</p><p>Then the time came for Secret Santa and everyone arranged in a circle. Nia had starts, gifting James a new camera, which he said could never replace his dad’s but was still an excellent present. James gives Sam a book that somehow Sam loves, muttering a reason why, and then giving Lena a thankful look. Sam gives Nia the book “The New New Journalism”, saying she figured that as a reporter Nia would like it, and Nia does. Winn gives Ruby a new video game which Ruby seems incredibly excited by and Winn high-fives her. Ruby had given Alex a fake gun, which she was convinced was real (probably because of Sam), and Alex promised Ruby she loves it. Alex gives J’onn a picture book she had made of their memories, and J’onn tears up at being given it. J’onn had gifted Winn a new gun-shaped disk-on-key which Winn seemed disappointed by and J’onn was awkward about giving, but no one said anything about.</p><p>They all look around and know that the only people without a gift are Lena and Kara. </p><p>“I’ll go first,” Lena volunteered, to which Kara pouts but keeps her mouth shut. Everyone is thrown aback when Lena walks out of their apartment. </p><p>“Uh… what’s she doing?” Winn asks.</p><p>Sam smirks, “wait.”</p><p>Lena doesn’t come back alone. She comes with a big, black, orange and white Bernese dog and Kara gasps as she runs to hug the fluffy thing. “Oh my God! You got me a dog?!”</p><p>“That’s definitely off-budget,” Winn interjects, saying the thing that made everyone groan a few times already.</p><p>“Actually he was free,” Lena corrects, “and yes, I did get you a dog. He’s about one year old, and his name is Jack. You told me that story about Streaky, the cat you barely touched because you were afraid you would break it and I thought I would get you a pet who you couldn’t smother to death.”</p><p>As if to prove Lena right, Kara is cuddling the dog, hugging it tightly, and the dog’s only response is licking Kara’s face. Kara looks at Lena adoringly, “that’s so sweet, Lena. I love him. I love you.”</p><p>Lena softens, “love you too.”</p><p>Kara pulls Lena down to a hug with their new dog. “No, I love you so much,” Kara insists, looking into Lena’s eyes deeply, Lena melting at the blue, Kara smiling at the green. “You’re my favorite person in the world. I want to be with you, forever. I want to make you as happy as you make me, forever.”</p><p>Her friends know where Kara is leading to, and they all smile, some smirking since it seems Kara has forgotten they were there. Lena seems confused and touched. </p><p>“Will you marry me?” Kara whispers.</p><p>Lena’s eyes widen, “what?” </p><p>“Can someone get me the gift, please?” Kara requests and Alex stumbles to deliver the wrapped box.</p><p>Kara tears through the box, tries to kneel with an armful of dog and opens the box to reveal a silver open ring made with two blue sapphires at each end, meeting together. Lena gasps. “I bought a ring and all. I’ve wanted to do this for a while. I think the ring was a bit too expensive but I knew you would love it because it’s vintage and simple and everything and I thought it could look really good on you, also Sam helped me because I’m not good at this,” Kara babbled nervously, eventually stopping to ask, “so what do you say? Lena Kieran Luthor, will you marry me?”</p><p>Lena stays silent, takes the ring from Kara’s hand and just stares. She stares and stares and has seemed to swallow her tongue. Everyone shifts awkwardly and holds their breath, waiting for Lena to speak. Kara grows more and more nervous. Then she looks up at Kara’s eyes and melts again, “yes, yes, of course I’ll marry you!”</p><p>Kara beams and kisses her, and their friends cheer.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Kara wakes up slowly, blinded by the lights shining through the thin curtains. She blinks herself awake, still a bit sleepy. She hugs whatever is in front of her closer and when it shifts, Kara remembers she’s spooning her wife. Her wife, Lena Luthor. She smiles against Lena’s nape and Lena reaches back to swat her away. </p><p>Memories of the past two days come to her, all of them wonderful. She remembers how beautiful Lena looked, when walking down the aisle, how she was smiling from ear to ear, looking like a princess in her white dress. She remembers how she read out her vows to Lena, telling her they were written with the typewriter Lena gifted her back when they were friends. She remembers Lena telling her how much Kara makes her feel happy, appreciated, how much she’s helped Lena and how grateful Lena is for her. She remembers the beautiful silver band she picked for Lena, her putting the ring on Lena’s finger. She remembers the gold band around her own finger. They’re both engraved inside, Lena's with the word Luthor and Kara with Super. She thinks of kissing her wife deeply, their first dance to a song of Nia’s choice, she remembers Lena covering her face with cake. She remembers their first night as a married couple and flying to their honeymoon. She remembers being on the beach, relaxing with her new wife.</p><p>Kara goes back to sleep, content. For once, she wants nothing more with Lena.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Kara wakes up with a gasp. She’s breathing heavy, her body moving on instinct. The wall in front of her is charred, Kara sees. Tears sting at her eyes.</p><p>“Kara?” Lena opens her eyes, “is everything alright?”</p><p>Kara looks towards Lena, a tired expression on her face. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine now,” Kara says, sinking into the mattress to hug Lena close. </p><p>Lena feels the hard squeeze, “what happened?” </p><p>“Just a nightmare,” Kara mumbles.</p><p>Lena storks Kara’s hair, “another one?”</p><p>Kara nods into Lena’s shoulder. </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>Kara freezes. Lena expects her to say no. Or maybe to fall back asleep. But instead, Kara whispers, “you were kidnapped. Then said they’ll kill you if I don’t give them your secret identity. I refused. Then they took Alex. And Winn. And Nia. And James. They took everyone… and they killed all of you.”</p><p>Lean was silent. The dream sounded horrible. Kara was obviously tortured by putting her friends in danger. “That would never happen,” she reassures her.</p><p>“I know.” And she does. Because Kara would have given up her secret identity the first time she was asked.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Lena has grown used to the fact that whenever Kara is hurting, she punches. Never an innocent person, of course, but always someone. She knows Kara’s coping mechanisms by now. And while Kara is hurting, punching, fighting, Lena is left to feel guilty and helpless. </p><p>Every time one of their friends died, Kara had been able to keep it together. When Winn was killed, Kara had thrown herself into planning the entire funeral, tracking down old friends and family, not wanting Winn to have no one even in his death. When James was murdered, Kara braved through and helped his sister with the funeral. When Nia died, Kara was crushed, mourning how young and full of potential Nia was, but she pulled through from the grief and wrote the most beautiful, tear-jerking eulogy, helping Nia’s family get closure. When Ruby and Sam were found dead in their home, and Alex fell apart from grief, Lena from guilt, Kara helped them back on their feet, encouraging them to write eulogies while doing everything for the funeral. When word came that Cat was assassinated, Kara didn’t break down and went to the huge service, paying her respects with flowers. And when J’onn fell defeated from the sky as Kara watched, unable to do anything… she just turned and killed the Liberty Agent and then went to see if J’onn was alive. But now that Alex was killed, even though Kara was already with her every second, not wanting her to die… Lena could see that Kara was almost falling apart. The only thing she did this time, was going to the Eliza-arranged funeral and sitting silent the whole time. </p><p>Lena wanted nothing more than to take away Kara’s pain. To turn back time so she wouldn’t get kidnapped. To be killed herself so that the balance could be restored. But she couldn’t do all that. She could only be there for her wife. </p><p>As said, Lena was used to Kara pouring her pain out on her fists. And she found her, as expected, in the training room.</p><p>Lena could only see Kara’s profile from the doorway she was standing at. Kara looked tired. She hasn’t slept since Alex’s death and it showed. Lena had been trying to get her to eat, but it seemed like Kara hadn't been doing that either. And Kara loves eating. Lena plans to get her to dinner and then to bed. </p><p>“Hey,” Lena whispers, and Kara turns her head towards her. Kara looks savage. Lena has never been afraid of Kara, but she was terrified now. Of Kara being mad at her. Of Kara leaving her. Of Kara blaming her like she blames herself. </p><p>Kara turns back to what she was doing. “Hey,” she whispers back, barely audible as if testing those words. </p><p>“I just wanted to see how you’re doing,” Lena steps closer.</p><p>“I’m fine,” Kara lies coldly but, amends, “once I find all the Liberty Agents and kill them, I’ll be fine.”</p><p>Lena is horrified to hear this. Kara is never violent like this. She’s stubborn, tough, intimidating, incredibly hot-blooded, yes, but not violent and cold. She seeks justice and hope, not revenge. Even when she’s hopeless, she’s sad more than anything. But she isn’t cold.</p><p>“Okay,” Lena says carefully, “you’ll need to get some food and sleep if you want to do that.”</p><p>“I’ll get it later,” she says and then turns her back towards her to start punching the wall. Kara doesn’t even flinch. Lena does, worried the building will collapse if Kara continues. </p><p>She grabs Kara’s arm, frantic, “Kara, we have to talk about this.”</p><p>“There’s nothing to talk about. I already have a plan. That’s all there is.”</p><p>“No, there’s more and you know it!” Lena insists, “when we first became partners, you said the one rule is that your identity is secret! Why did you betray that rule?! And why for me? I don’t deserve it!” Tears prick at Lena’s eyes. </p><p>Kara looks at her, shocked, and then becomes sad, the Kara Lena knows better, “what are you talking about?”</p><p>“You have only me now! Was it worth it?” Lena screams. </p><p>Kara looks at her, sadness and shock in her eyes, as she holds Lena close to her, kisses her cheek. “Stop blaming yourself,” Kara says brokenly, stubbornly, “it was my decision. And it was the right one. I would have <em> never </em>let you die. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine.”</p><p>“It’s not,” Lena protests weakly.</p><p>“I should have protected them,” Kara sobs, “I should have rescued that family that died. I could have done more. I should have done more.”</p><p>Lena grabs her tightly by the arms, looks into the sad, blue eyes, “it’s not your fault. You can’t do everything.”</p><p>Kara doesn't respond for a moment, making no sound, only considering. Her tears fall silent down her cheeks and her eyes are puffy red. And yet, when Kara looks back into Lena’s eyes, she’s neutral again showing no emotion. “Well, here we are," she says.</p><p>Feeling as if she was ice burnt, she realised this is it. There is nothing more to be done. They'll both remain broken shells for the rest of their lives, and eventually, Kara would learn to always hide her feelings just as Lena was taught to, just as Kara is starting to do now.</p><p>Lena exhales a shaky breath. “Here we are,” she agrees. </p><p>Kara turns back to train. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed this mess of a fic! Please leave a kudos and comment if you did.<br/>Check out my <a href="https://superluthorwoman.tumblr.com/">Tumblr blog</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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